Today’s Look is brought to you head to toe from Piper Street Shop 🙂
Today I am so grateful for all that I have, not material but the important things that make me truly happy, mad and tired all in the same day, the things that I LOVE! My Family! Many of you may or may not know that this last weekend we lost our soon to be third baby. I was only 2 months along and already felt a connection with this sweet baby. I was even already getting my bump. I am surprised at how people were soo upset that I would share this loss with my readers. I had people who I am extremely close to, instead of asking how I was doing or sympathizing with me tell me that I was legit crazy. Shame on you is all I have to say. It’s okay for me to show off my purchases and vacations or whatever but when it comes to real life and what I really care about people go nuts and accuse me of being legit crazy.
Saturday was the hardest day for our family. I decided to post the picture of my kiddos on my bed as they were about to wheel us into getting an ultrasound. After several tests everything seemed to be fine and I was still reading that I was pregnant. A smile was on my face and my husband snapped a pic because I thought I was going to see and hear our babies heartbeat. There was no more heartbeat, and needless to say no more pictures were taken either.
I honestly debated posting about my miscarriage. But I was like this is the kind of stuff people tell women not to talk about. But that is so wrong. Being able to go through the grieving process and being able to have other women tell me their stories has given me so much hope. This was 100% opposite of how I ever imagined announcing my pregnancy,but I felt like this baby still needed to be recognized in this world.
Tomorrow I go to my OBGYN and in a weird way I am hoping that he tells me there is a heart beat even though I know there is no way. Little things set me off into tears, the chalkboard where we wrote the potential baby names, the babycenter.com email that came in this morning congratulating me about my new pregnancy week, the ultrasound pictures, my empty bump. On the flip side I am holding my kids a little tighter a little longer and realizing how grateful I am to have them to hold at this time.
My heart aches for all the women who have experienced hardships in trying to bring babies into their families. Babies are the biggest blessings but can be a struggle for many to get here. I believe that as women we are told to “conceal, don’t feel” and that it is a “bad” thing to talk about these struggles, but I am here to say that no one is free from struggling no matter how “perfect” people appear to be. Life is messy and hard and that’s why need each other.
BTW This was going to be your birth video song and as I re-listen to the lyrics it fits you so well. Love you for always sweet baby of mine!