The thing about being brave is it doesn’t come with the absence of fear and hurt. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face.
24 hrs ago my sweet 6-year-old Hudson came in my room holding his stomach. Oh dear, I thought we have the flu. I immediately take him to the bathroom. He is wincing and clenching his stomach so hard and screaming out in pain. I have him lift up his shirt to show me his stomach. His belly button is protruding and swollen. I google appendicitis. Everything I read tells me he should be feeling pain in his side not his navel. I head to the ER anyway. I start my car, wrap Hudson in a blanket and put him in the backseat. My husband stops me and says he’ll take him since I am still breastfeeding.
I watch, and silently pray as they blaze through the snow down the street. It’s killing me that I just let my first-born go to the hospital without me in that much pain. I immediately call my husband and I can hear Hudson screaming and vomiting.
30 mins later I get a text that says it is in fact his appendix and he will be getting surgery asap. Helpless I feel, completely helpless. Wishing I could take his place.
Hrs. go by and my Hudson is in recovery. I get a call and my husband says guess what? Hudson’s internal umbilical cord never dissolved and attached to his appendix. They also took that out during surgery. Leaving a total of 3 large incision on his belly.
We all have marks. Our heart is the map that shows us where we’re going, our bodies are the map that shows us where we’ve been.
Hudson came home from surgery. I go in his room & when I saw him, with shaky hands he lifted up his shirt to show me all that he had been through. In silence he then lifted up the sleeve of his shirt and showed me where they drew blood and placed his IV. We both placed our heads on his pillow held hands and wept.
He didn’t have to say it but I know he felt abandoned by me and confused at all of it. He has the sweetest temperament and is taking it easy. We feel so grateful for modern medicine and his amazing drs. that helped him in his desperate time of need.
And mostly the strong prompting I got, despite location of pain, to get my sweet Hudson to the emergency room.
Grateful for all the help & prayers we received yesterday.
From the bottom of my heart
& Hudson, I love you so much!