Birdalamode

Rebirth

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You know the worlds off tilt when quarantine seems normal and blogging feels foreign.

How is everyone?

I hope you are surviving and thriving. 2020 what have you done to us? I decided to take a much needed break from here and just focus on my family as we were dealing with the after affect of my public 911 call and all the events that led to it. But who would have ever guessed what happened next made the entire world do a tailspin.

Lives were lost, life as we knew it shut down, toilet paper became the most valuable thing in the house, memes were emotional support, we all got an education of the Big Cat community whether we wanted to or not, downloaded Tik Tok, baked banana bread, We had earthquakes, became school teachers, church was/is being performed in homes, we cried together, we came together, and then we did what we had to do. We had to sugarcoat the unknown to our children and put on brave faces everyday. We had to eventaully turn off the news bc our hearts couldn’t believe our ears. Numbers, lost lives became numbers. And every morning all we did was check the numbers and go on with our day hoping that this was all just a dream and that this Groundhogs Day called life would just go away.

I want to tell anyone who is reading this that what we have all experienced is not normal. It’s been draining to our spirits to our wallets and the world is hurting. But I want to just share a little glimmer of hope that we are going to be ok. We are never going to be the same, we will be forever changed. We are stronger. We are more unified than ever. And we will rise.

I look forward to a rebirth to new beginings and to a bright future. I wish you all the best and to just take one day at a time. We will overcome.

So much love to you all. I hope you are sleeping well and doing well.

I am so grateful to be back and reconnect with all of you. You were missed.

All my love,

Shannon Bird

Counting Chickens Before They Hatch

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Welcome to the longest pregnancy ever!  I usually don’t announce this early, but hey you’re also talking about the girl who announced a miscarriage back when social media was new and I got murdered for it. So-o glad social media has changed in that regard and its now ok to talk about real life events, even if its not picture perfect.

I wanted to talk about why I thought I had been pregnant for so long, when really I am just at the very early stages of this pregnancy.

January- I stop breastfeeding Brooklyn so I can go on a trip with my husband. As soon as I get back I start back up breastfeeding.

February- I don’t get a period ( is this because I am still breastfeeding, or am I pregnant) I test at the end of February and get a negative – sigh of relief because my life has been crazy (if you know you know)

March-I decide to test again at the end of the month wondering why my period still hasn’t shown up. My husband says it’s bc I have started back at the gym on top of breastfeeding so when we see a faint “evaporation line” on the test we waive it off as that.

**Puppy-We came “this” close to getting a dog (the only other time I bought a dog was when I was pregnant with Holland and I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time of purchase) So I kinda think anytime I am that close, I must be pregnant and something is telling me our family is getting bigger in a sense.

**Migrains-I specifically remember being on the phone with my mom and telling her I may believe in organic now. That when I had Aunt Jamima syrup on my french toast (my kids would make that every morning if we had the time) instead of using organic pure maple I used the cheap stuff and I got severe migrains. Like I do when I have syrup when I am pregnant. I had to lay in bed with my lights off and my left arm went numb. This happened twice in one week. So I stopped eating syrup.

April- I start feeling sleepy. I am normally a hyper person, think “yorkie puppy”. And usually traveling doesn’t bother me. We take an overnight flight to Orlando and I am wiped out! My husband let me sleep until 5pm!!!! Chalking it up as I am getting too old for red eye flights.

Bloated- I am in the best shape of my life, but at night time it looks like I had just eaten a HUGE buffet, when really I had been walking 9-12 miles across Disney World only eating popcorn, soda, and Ice cream. Its hard to explain, but I feel like I know my body. I kept thinking maybe I am going to start my “monthly”.

Emotional- the second I walked into Disney I had a lump in my throat and the silliest things would set me off. I was a mess during the parades and fireworks telling Dallin I was feeling the “Disney Spirit so strong on this trip” and maybe because it was the last time I would have a “baby” here with us? Unexplainable tears.

We are so busy going a hundred miles an hr, we literally walked 45 miles on our trip for those guessing.

On the second week of our trip when we changed hotels. I was unpacking and saw the pregnancy test I had packed. I took in the morning and the line appeared so fast. There was no questioning! Which is why I shared with you all and I was certain this was the “real deal”!

I knew what risk there were in sharing this information. Been there, done that!!!

I know I still could be counting chickens before they hatch, as there is still no ultrasound or due date. But I just wanted to clear somethings up that weren’t fully explained and that I know I am being super vulnerable by sharing this with you at this stage.

With Brooklyn I shared my pregnancy with you at 24 weeks and hid some special milestones and moments and kept those private. I still remember being shocked when my family threw me a surprise baby shower and everyone knew the gender because I had only told maybe 4 people the news. I was EXTREMELY sick with Brooklyn so I didn’t show until about week 24. I had lost a whole bunch of weight in the beginning. And had my niece come back out to cheer me up in the fall because it was so hard on my body and emotionally to not feel my best for so long.

I don’t know if this is a bad or good sign but I feel great so far (I know I am only a few weeks) and if I feel like this for the rest of this pregnancy I will be one happy mother. I have so many children to care for that although this pregnancy was announced early I have a feeling it is going to fly by, at least for me.

Thanks again for the support.

Love

MAMA BIRD

 

Therapy 101

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We don’t leave for spring break till later this week bc the hotel I’ve been dreaming! at staying in was completely booked out for the majority of this week. So we are eventually going it’s just happening towards the end of this week and I cannot wait!!!!!! So I have time to discuss what I tried to say a couple of days ago.

A couple of days ago I got a message request to write about heartbreak pre Dallin. I asked on ig stories if I should go through with it. And the messages came flooding in a solid YES!

So I try, I honestly gave it a good shot. But here’s the deal. I HATE looking back! So much that when I do I have MAJOR anxiety. I even pulled a podcast bc it asked about the pre Dallin Shannon. I even pulled my instastories etc. It’s like I become an entirely different person. I remember when I first started my blog someone had written horrible things about me and my past (a gaslighted* version) on a public forum and it crushed! me. I took lipstick and wrote “YOU WIN” on my mirror and wanted to quit.

Spring Break has started for us and we originally were going to go where I have always wanted to move and raise my family. The place where I nannied my cute nieces and the place where the rug got pulled from underneath me, the single most destructive thing that’s happened to me all due to a breakup. My life was unexpectedly turned upside down and there was even a time I wanted/tried to end my precious life. I have in my head if I return to this place I can return to being my old self, the pre-me. And that’s why my husband has “therapy sessions” with me because I am actually way better today, he just wants me to feel it and know it 110%!

Dallins therapy sessions have actually worked. I used to carry HATE! in my heart. But that is terrible to harbor. Dallin has compared it to drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. So I decided to forgive.

So after being 12 years removed from certain events why do I feel like I am reliving it whenever it gets revisited? maybe something a real therapist could help me with?

My past isn’t all bad, it’s actually quite great! Just about a month of it I wish I could blot out lol I accomplished so much, made the best of friends .

Dating:

I shared in my stories my favorite story that my first relationship/real kiss the guy said I kissed like a BIRD – which I love because my new last name is Bird:)

I only had one boyfriend in my high school and I remember when we broke up his mom brought me roses and his little sister brought me dr pepper lipsmakers 🙂

Before I graduated, I had stopped writing both the missionaries I had been writing and decided to kiss some of the guys in my class because I didn’t want to graduate with regrets lol

As soon as I graduate I get my wisdom teeth taken out and my doorbell rings. And it was all my most recent missionaries luggage. We were all in a panic. And I had to grow up REAL FAST! And if you know me that’s really hard for me. Songs that helped me through this time were “big girls dont cry” by Fergie and “Never Grow UP” by Taylor Swift

For the first time in my life I wasn’t in a good spot with my parents and that crushed me.

I go live with my sweet sisters and work for one of my brother in-laws. I get settled and get a job at the mall. I’m throwing bday parties for my nieces, helping them move into their new home and I’m dating. The first guy I dated was a pizza boy named Joey lol that the first time he took me out both my brother in-laws followed us and ate at a different table. He never knew they were there, but I did and I loved it!!!!

I start hanging out with friends I had made at EFY years prior. They took me boating with them, church, parties etc. I loved my life!!!

Then my missionary surprised me, came to California and wanted to marry me. I declined. My sisters played councilor with us and we came to the conclusion we were clearly not in the same spot. He went to the movies came back under the influence (or at least he claims) and that was his final act/attempt to guilt me into being his wife.

It didn’t work and I went BATSH*T! In the middle of the night I made him pack up his things, I took my sisters brand new Tahoe and I dropped him off at the airport. He didn’t have a ticket and I told him to figure it out and to never talk to me again. I didn’t see him until 11 years later. And when I saw him I had zero feelings bad or good, it was like talking to a stranger on an elevator.

I went back to my sisters home, all I could think about was how I now probably can’t go to BYU, I am going to lose my scholarship and now I won’t be able to afford going anywhere else. I go into my sisters pantry drink an entire bottle of vinegar in hopes to shrivel up and die.

It thankfully didn’t work. And my amazing family helped me, I called my bishop and everything thankfully was ok and life was good.

It seems so stupid and silly now that I think about it, and for the first time in my life this is my first time writing it all out.

I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own, -Kesha

Being able to write it out and see it for what it actually is, in a strange way is helping me. I can’t believe I’ve let this event have so much power over me.

So back to pre Dallin. I started dating immediately but this time I was v! safe, I never had boys pick me up I met them everywhere, it was a control thing. If I wanted to leave I knew at anytime I could jump in my car and leave. I dated an amazing guy from my childhood and my moms friend had heard rumors that he had marriage thoughts. I hadn’t even kissed him and my mom kept telling me that if I can’t kiss him then I need to break up with him and let him move on. So I did kiss him and then I broke up with him right after because my mom was right I needed to be WILD about someone. Even though he was so sweet to me.

So when Dallin asked me out on our first date , he asked me to go with him to Lake Powell for a few days. I was in a panic. I asked many times “you’re not planning on taking advantage of me, are you” in a serious  but trying to be funny way.  He told me to invite my girlfriends if that would make it more comfortable. Non of them could go. We don’t board the house boat until the morning and its about 3 am when we show up to our hotel and there is only one bed. I asked if this was intentional half joking. Dallin was like I’ll make a pillow wall if that makes you feel more comfortable, he did. All it took was our toes touching and it was like electricity! I was all about it. Thats when he threw me off and said “I’m a good guy” and that right there was the first time I felt that I was ok with my sexuality again. I had been suppressing it and with Dallin I felt both wild and safe.

Life was good and I was doing great, until I needed to plan for my wedding. I wanted to elope bc I didn’t want to see people from my past and I had anxiety about what they might think of me.

I am so grateful to have a husband who has always loved me despite my quirks and who has sincerely! wanted me to feel peace.

I am writing this today for myself because I need to conquer this and to move on from it, for GOOD! And for the first time in my life I feel like I can.

Now let’s get back to SPRING BREAK!!!!!

CPS Letters

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If I could describe my mood torwards things happening in current events it would be this picture. A couple weeks ago, right before Valentines Day the rug was pulled from underneath me. I answered the door to a women holding a binder and well lets just say its been a roller coaster of emotions ever since.

In my heart I know I give 110% of my sleeping and waking hrs to my family, but this has been so much added stress to me. I have experienced the complete cycle of grief. I feel like my perspective has completely changed. The highest compliment anyone has ever given me was when I was told “I treat everyone like they are my best friend”. I regretfully have changed my perspective on humans and my walls are HIGH. I don’t need everyone to like me just a couple close friends.

I have been mad, upset, playing the blame game, whoa is me!

If you can’t tell by my super cheery blogpost this is why I have decided to “Lay Low” for a while. I have almost zero motivation to be on this space. I am just focusing on being the perfect mother because I learned the hard way there is no room for toddler errors (taking off shirts that get chocolate milk on them) and I have 4 of them so its hella (my first swear on my blog) busy.

I’m sure I’ll come back in full swing when things settle, or not. But right now I just want to be alone with my family. Doing whatever makes us happy, opinion free.

Today I woke up to a speech therapist sent by the government, my cleaning ladies and a wonderful email from a hotel chain that wants our family to pick a location so they can host a vacation for us. So some gems amongst the craziness.

Even though I was super upset about being accused of neglecting my one years olds speech, I have refocused some attention on more than just his motor skills. 4 xs a week we spend our mornings doing physical things like gymnastics and roller rinks. Starting tomorrow I’ve decided to start incorporating a music class in there and some library time.

I’ve decided this hasn’t been all terrible. And I shouldn’t be defensive. And to try to absorb as much information and try to block out all the negative. Geesh kinda heavy stuff right. And tbh this is a VERY watered down version.

BTW, how beautiful is this ballerina! I have all the feels when I watch this, it’s super powerful to me.

The Business Of Blogging

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Yesterday was Career Day at the middle school and I had the opportunity to speak. I want to share with you today what I shared 24 hrs ago.

It being career day I spoke on how I took my mommy blog into a business. I shared the evolution of technology and the changes I’ve experienced. And how it’s always evolving. Being an entrepeneur in the tech and social media world you always have to be on your feet and know your surroundings. I will dive deeper into that on part two. But before I do you need to understand me.

I started my blog as a diary format and sold clothes along with it. It bothered some because it wasn’t very professional. I had lots of grammer errors, terrible lighting in photos, etc. I never have wanted to come across as fake or staged. Instead I wrote as I would in my old fashioned diary.

Before my online diary went digital ie a blog. I wrote everything down with pen and paper from the time I could write. And even before then my older siblings would occasionally write things in it for me, like a scribe as I spoke. I will have to find some of those entries because they were so funny (to me at least).

One day when I was in high school my sister confessed that when I left the house and hung out with friends she and my mom would read my diary. She told me how good my entries are and how they stay up laughing about them. She also said I should be a writer. HA! I thought me a writer, I struggle! with writing and punctuation BIG TIME! And second you READ MY DIARY!!!! Gosh I got to find a better hiding spot, was my first reaction. I mean I would get detailed! My poor mother.

But, instead of hiding my diary I decided this is actually a compliment, and if I’m not getting in trouble for what I’m writing, wheres the harm in sharing? So I kept writing. I was flattered when things would come up that I wrote in my diary. I started loving that I had a “secret” audience.

In the last 2 years I realized I had a VERY! large “secret audience” on my blog and instagram. My numbers were insane. And companies started paying me for it. On the visible/ front end it appeared that my “followers” had come to a stand still. But, I soon became aware of a whole new way instagram started tracking my “secret followers”. Not who was following me, but how many were following me. Calculating how far my reach was and how many people were really following me, even though they weren’t clicking follow.

(to be continued)

From Hundreds to Thousands : Hundreds of Thousands to Millions

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(Continued) see previous post her

From Hundreds to Thousands : Hundreds of Thousands to Millions

First of all I want to say I am not a big shot blogger, I am just sharing how I run my business and how I have made a career of it.

Referencing back to the prior post, when I realized I had a larger audience than I thought. I remember when I got insights on instagram this is a screenshot of one of the first times I looked at it and found out that I had over 1,000,000 views on my instagram page in just 7! days again I don’t have great engagement on my photos, my likes are low and so are my comments so seeing that I had a million people on my profile that week was huge news to me. Its because of all of you so thank you truely for caring and sticking with me through my life journey.

*this was last year

I took a screenshot for the presentation of my stats on a pic I posted on Wednesday 

If you see above on the pic, I had about triple the amount of my “followers” seeing my picture on Wednesday. Companies have thankfully gotten so savvy and now use your insights to determine how much they pay instagrammers/bloggers.

Compare the above video to what I used to send companies in the stone ages (2 years ago)

I would send a media kit and my own pricing sheet. Its gotten so much more honest for both bloggers and paying companies.

There is so much more I discussed within my presentation, the main gist was just showing the business side of it all, after all it is career day, and hopefully this helps those who are thinking about becoming a blogger/instagrammer or for those of you looking to hire bloggers. To know what to look for, and to not take anything at face value. Like my husband has been telling me its about whats inside that counts.

Again I am far from a pro at this blogging business, but I can honestly stand before everyone today and say that I am an open book, I love my family, what I do and I am beyond thankful for this platform as it has been the biggest learning experience of my life. I have grown so much since I started, not talking followers, just as a human, my family has grown, my understanding and my compassion towards others.

If you have any advice or questions let me know.

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