And I am back. I have been doing that thing you do when you have been away from your home for a really long time, trying to get it all back to square one. All day yesterday I kept crying as I was unpacking thinking of all the wonderful memories that we made on our trip. And how amazing it was to have the opportunity to go to such a fun place. I kept asking myself how did it get ruined? And how come I don’t want to think about where I was, heck I don’t even want to visit my blog, because it all seems like a scary place to me. For that reason I have decided to take the post down. My blog is a happy place for me, and sometimes it feels like its where I can be the most “me”.
Every time I would re-read the story I would feel dirty and want to take a shower to rinse it all away. I apologize for ALL of you who read this and felt the same. You don’t deserve that and didn’t ask for that. And for that I am sorry that I put it up here.
I want my blog to reflect light and happiness at this time, and at all times.
Another question I keep asking myself is how did I become the very thing that I was fighting against? Did I become a bully? A cyber bully? Did I use my power to do bad instead of good? It was never my intention. I wanted change and an apology, will I ever receive either? I don’t know. I am having a hard time wondering how I went from the victim to now the aggressor, or did I? Did my post cyber bully someone? I don’t want to bully, I wanted truth, I wanted change, and justice.
But sometimes justice isn’t the most important, and we can get too hung up on it. Yesterday I called my in-laws land line. I haven’t done this in years. No one picked up. Dallin’s mom answered on the message recording. Her voice seemed disappointed, maybe it was my own guilt, I don’t know. I haven’t heard her voice since Christmas and it was so good to hear. I immediately knew that I don’t care what happened, who was right who was wrong. That she was not happy with anyone, or me. That we were letting the wrong side win.
I have never been more sick to my stomach than the last couple of days. And I need to make it right. I should never of taken this fight public. In all honesty I didn’t know what to do, all I want are good feelings at this time and am focusing on our families future health.
These songs have awesome lyrics I am not suggesting anyone is a “Beast” or any “romantic” feelings. Again I hope to create nothing but the happiest of feelings, and Disney does this best! More new fun posts coming soon.