It’s been a minute since I’ve been on here, tbh I never thought I’d come back. I’ve been coping from how I was treated after my very public 911 call and all the aftershocks that have come because of it.
I came up with all these reasons why leaving this space and all things birdalamode would be best for me, but at the end of the day there was always more reasons to stay. I contemplated about drowning out and killing off this part of me. And how much better everyone would be if I just went away. So I let it die. In a way part of me is still very much dead inside. You can say the worst things to my face, behind my back, through your fingertips you can run my name, It says more about you then it ever will about me, I am very much so un-phased.
I am happy to be here. I am showing up. I am present. So present that I know when and where to be and who and what is worth my energy.
Today I choose my blog. Hello! Long time no see. This may all fall on closed ears. But I am writing this for me.
I am Shannon B. I am important I am worth loving. I have so much to give. I have birthed, bled and cried in front of all of you and all I ask in return is kindness. Even if that means you just leave.
Gosh it feels good to finally express this.
The day I turned 32 I was sitting in the carpool line and noticed I had a grey hair. I have never been afraid of age, in-fact, I have always loved my birthday. But this one hit differently, solemnly. I realized right then and there I earned this and I am welcoming this new me.
I got a sitter and did all the fun maintenance things, spray tan, hair coloring, nails, etc. And then I asked Dallin to take me shopping. I have recently gotten rid of all things maternity and my wardrobe is lacking to say the least.
So we hit up the mall and filled in all the gaps and I started to feel like me again. For years I’ve fantasized about being this person. Clothes that will fit me longer than 3 months, it doesn’t even matter if they are breastfeeding friendly or stretchy.
I have been more to myself more focused on me and my family just trying to eliminate noise.
It’s been a very inward time for me.
I am so thankful that I have taken this time off the web.